Saturday, March 18, 2017

Would I have more children?

It's funny, the moment you give birth one of the most frequent questions you get asked, aside from the usual 'how does he sleep?' is 'would you do it again?'.

Ash and I have always spoke of having two children. Ash is one of ftwo - having an older sister, however I grew up as an only child (although I do have two half brothers that I've never lived with or grew up with) and so never really understood what it's like to be a sibling, or what a sibling relationship is like.

Despite this I don't feel like I've missed out on anything, or that my life would have been improved by having someone to grow up with. I grew up with cousins fairly close in age and we spent a lot of time together so I suppose that may be why I don't feel like I was deprived of this as this is probably the closest I got to a sibling relationship. I didn't have to deal with any rivalry or competition growing up (although as close cousins we butted heads fairly often), or feeling like the least favourite or any of the typical down sides to a sibling relationship that you hear about but I also didn't experience the positives of that relationship either, of having someone in the next room to talk to, or to share clothes with or to have my back, if someone upset me at school.

Initially after giving birth, despite it being a positive, fairly quick experience with no complications, I said I didn't think I would want to go through it again, after all, positive experience or not - that shit hurts! I've wondered if having more than one child would mean our relationships would suffer as I can't focus all my energy into just one of them. Whether having just one would mean we'd be a much closer family of three? I've seen throughout my life how some siblings can have stronger relationships with their parents than others and how some parents put more time and energy into one particular child and left the other feeling excluded. These are all things that have put me off the idea of more than one child and to some extent still do. However I do think my experience of this may mean I would be different in my parenting style.

After a few days of having my newborn and my love for him growing everyday I soon changed my mind. I can't bare the thought of him growing older and this being the only time with a tiny baby that I'll ever have. As hard and as tiring as these days are, they're also amazing and something I want to enjoy over and over again. I'm loving seeing him grow even in such a short time of being here and look forward to seeing his little personality develop. I want my son to feel close to us as his parents and for us to have a strong bond between the three of us. I want us to have our own family style, our own unique way of communicating and spending time together. It's a funny idea but Ash and I have always said we'd want to be parents like in the film 'Easy A'. Laid back, funny and friends with our children. Of course this is a film and not necessarily realistic but the easy going family unit, where there is honesty and an open door of discussion as shown is what I'll always strive for. I don't think having more than one child will put us at risk of not achieving this but will reinforce the need for it.

So to answer the burning question of todays post, yes, I would love to have more children! The beauty of having my first at 24 - I have plenty of time for more as and when we decide we are ready.
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